Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

How Do You Handle It?

Do you feel that you are thriving, coping or just barely hanging on in your life right now?

What do you do when things seem to go haywire all at once in your life?

Have you ever had an experience where you felt that the rug had been pulled from under your feet, and you were really left reeling and wondering what to do next?

Do you feel that you are thriving, coping or just barely hanging on in your life right now?

What do you do when things seem to go haywire all at once in your life? 

Have you ever had an experience where you felt that the rug had been pulled from under your feet, and you were really left reeling and wondering what to do next?

Do you ever ask for help, or do you just tell yourself that you’ll be “fine?” 

Do you have an “S” on your chest trying to be a superhero?

So many people just keep moving through life feeling burdened, depressed, anxious, and plain angry without seeking any real solutions.

What would have to happen for you to ask for help, support, relief, a break? A lot of times we wait for a crisis to propel us into getting help, after we have tried everything else we know and it has failed.

Here are some relationship scenarios that I know of in which people lived for extended periods trying to handle it all themselves. What would you do in the following situations?

• Messy divorce

• Cheating Partner/Spouse

• Alcoholic/Addicted Spouse

• Live in boyfriend who liked to cross dress as a woman 

• Disappearing boyfriend who left without a word

All of these were extremely stressful situations, yet the people involved initially resisted outside support, resulting in physical illness, financial bankruptcy, emotional devastation and more. Eventually, a couple of them became my clients, but my first question to each of them was, “how/why have you been trying to handle this all on your own?”

So, my advice to you dear friend is this, you do not have to go it alone in life. It is really ok to both be a blessing and ask for a blessing.


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Don’t panic!

Our world is changing right before our eyes. Does this scare you? While it is normal to experience fear when things you know and take for granted seem to be crumbling right from under you, it is actually not productive, and will only make your experience of it worse. Here’s what you need to know to get through these tumultuous times of great uncertainty, at least as I see it.

Our world is changing right before our eyes. Does this scare you? While it is normal to experience fear when things you know and take for granted seem to be crumbling right from under you, it is actually not productive, and will only make your experience of it worse. Here’s what you need to know to get through these tumultuous times of great uncertainty, at least as I see it. 

The human race is growing through an evolutionary stage right now. That means tremendous change is necessary, not optional. We are leaving behind much of our old order and we are awakening into a new spiritual reality. As usual though, we are learning the hard way. By this I mean that those things we have had great stock in (pun intended) are dissolving right before us. As a nation and as a worldwide influence, we have built our civilizations upon types of political leadership, financial institutions, healthcare, environmental and educational systems that don’t work for everyone. Consequently, we are a species out of balance. We are out of balance with who we really are as spiritual beings, and we are out balance with our natural world. It is simply time for a change. Change can be difficult and scary, but really only if we make it so. Our spiritual lesson is to release the old, faithfully knowing that a better way is trying to emerge. 

By now you have heard from me and others that whatever you resist persists. Not only in your individual life, but as we now see, on a planetary level. The more we hold onto the old order, the harder our transition will be. We are at one of those places in life where the spiritual practice of Trusting the Process is a challenge; and yet trust it we must. We really have no other option, do we? A new order will emerge. Babies on the way will be birthed, despite pain, resistance and gnashing of teeth. But, emerging new life can also be gentler and easier on the system, if we but go with the flow, not fight against it. 

So as you think about, and possibly experience great transition in your own life, allow yourself to really move through it. Don’t try to hold onto dissolving things, it will only be like trying to hold onto water. This change is a done deal, trust the process. Know that new ways of being are emerging. New systems will replace the old. We are actually fortunate to be alive at this time to witness the dawning of this new era. A message from the universe: Fear not, all is well.


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Calling It In 

Did you know that everything you desire is already available to you right now?

How’s that you ask? If it’s all right here why don’t I see it or have it?

It is available to you in the energetic realm of spirit in which everything originates. If you have a desire, but feel you have no resources to make it happen—call it in.

Did you know that everything you desire is already available to you right now?

How’s that you ask? If it’s all right here why don’t I see it or have it?

It is available to you in the energetic realm of spirit in which everything originates. If you have a desire, but feel you have no resources to make it happen—call it in.

Calling it in means recognizing that you are spirit, all that appears to be solid matter is actually spirit or energy congealed into a specific form that someone “called in to being,” with their own thought process and focus. And you can too. Whatever you desire, large or small, hold no judgment about it, just picture it, and see if you can take 1 step toward it in your life. Then, and this is important, look up, watch for any shifts or opportunities especially if it looks scary or too difficult to do. Do It! It is the universe’s response. Do that thing and then another will be revealed. You will be calling it in by your thought and movement toward it. You are not the only one who holds that desire or who has manifested it, so if you can see that it exists in the world, you know it is available. Now just call it in for yourself. 

Don’t go trying to figure out a solution by focusing on the natural, material world. Remember this is a supernatural, metaphysical process in an energetic universe – everything begins there. Our common mistake is that we try to make it happen from this realm. And, here’s where a lot of teachings leave us hanging; the point that they don’t fully cover, leaving many people disappointed with their results. We focus on the problem as if the solution is going to jump out from it. The solution is not in the problem. In specific terms, worrying about money, will not create more money, only more lack, because you focus upon the lack by worrying. The solution exists, but you must look up from the problem long enough to see the possibilities. Our task is to keep our minds on spirit and create from there with our minds and thoughts. Remember, whatever you focus on, grows. If you desire something focus on it, move toward it, and watch it grow into manifestation. One of my mentors says, “The Universe Brings Me Opportunities All of The Time. My Job Is To Say Yes. No Matter What.” 


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

How Busy Persons Find God in All Things – In Less Than 15 Minutes 

Busy people need at least a small amount of time each day for maintaining perspective and achieving a sense of peacefulness. The exercise below describes a way of integrating the experiences of the day. When you have a few quiet moments in the day, even in the shower, try this prayer.

Busy people need at least a small amount of time each day for maintaining perspective and achieving a sense of peacefulness. The exercise below describes a way of integrating the experiences of the day. When you have a few quiet moments in the day, even in the shower, try this prayer.

I pray in gratitude for all the gifts that I have received as I glance back at the experiences of the past twenty-four hours, and allow a spontaneous conversation to develop with God who was and is present.

I pray for enlightenment so that the Spirit will help me see myself honestly, as I review both my actions and my heart’s involvement in them. 

I survey the period since last engaging in reflective prayer special attention to the more intense feelings, moods, thoughts and desires that surface, as a way of getting a sense of what is going on in my life.

I pray for healing in my heart for the ways that I have not lived up to the requirements of love in my relationship with God, myself, and others. 

I ask for help to live with renewed hope and increased love of God and others, considering briefly the immediate future, and paying attention to the feelings that spontaneously arise.

*Excerpted from the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Living Life Consciously

Remember the movie The Matrix? If you saw it then you’ll remember that some people were “asleep” in the matrix and others (Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, et. al.) were beginning to “wake up”. Those who were asleep thought they were actually living their lives, but in fact, they were trapped within the matrix, unaware that someone else was controlling their destiny. Are you awake?

Remember the movie The Matrix? If you saw it then you’ll remember that some people were “asleep” in the matrix and others (Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, et. al.) were beginning to “wake up”. Those who were asleep thought they were actually living their lives, but in fact they were trapped within the matrix, unaware that someone else was controlling their destiny. Are you awake? Or, are you asleep at the wheel of your own life, with things like fear and confusion running it for you? 

Here’s a hint: “What If” questions are fear based questions. If you dwell on these types of questions, and they limit the choices you are willing to make, then fear is determining your future. By worrying what might happen in the future you are paralyzed in the present moment. On the other hand, to be spiritually awakened means that you have the power to look beyond your circumstances and actually create the life you want, rather than accepting the life you’re “supposed” to have or the life for which you just end up settling. 

All the great spiritual teachers left us a road map for awakening from the stupor of material appearances, and challenged us to see and trust the true reality of the spiritual dimension behind matter.  To live life consciously means accepting responsibility for your life. It means not blaming others for the circumstances in which you find yourself. If you are awake you begin to see life outside the framework typically presented to us by the media, by our political machine and by the teachings of religious dogma. As an embodiment of the divine presence you have the power to look beyond unwanted circumstances in order to make a change. See that there are lessons in even the bleakest life events. Take the time to get quiet and listen to what the divine might be trying to communicate to you. 

Have you been resistant to the small signs along the way, requiring bigger and more forceful signs from the universe to get your attention?  Living life consciously means that you become aware of the bigger picture beyond your circumstances, you take ownership of your role in the events of your own life, and that you allow yourself to grow and become empowered through the process. 


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Are You Blocking Your Blessings?

Once upon a time I had a job I hated. I mean I loathed it. I was nearly in tears after only one day on the job, because it was so clearly not a good fit for me, and I thought I had no choice but to remain in such a difficult and unpleasant circumstance. I began to talk about how awful my job was. I told everybody how I just couldn't take it. Finally, I went to my spiritual advisor to seek some guidance around getting past this job.

Once upon a time I had a job I hated. I mean I loathed it. I was nearly in tears after only one day on the job, because it was so clearly not a good fit for me, and I thought I had no choice but to remain in such a difficult and unpleasant circumstance. I began to talk about how awful my job was. I told everybody how I just couldn't take it. Finally, I went to my spiritual advisor to seek some guidance around getting past this job. Well, as soon as I sat down in his office, I said, "I detest my job." His immediate response was to remind me, "whatever you resist persists, so the first task is to stop saying how much you hate it."

In essence, he told me, by your strong negative feeling to this circumstance you are creating a strong attachment to it, and you are also blocking the lesson or blessing that you need to get from that situation. As long as you are resistant, you will not be able to move out of it, because you are inhibiting the flow of energy around it and your growth. I was stunned. How could I be creating a bond with something I so desperately wanted to get away from? The great piece of guidance that he gave me was this, Relax and accept that you are in this situation for a reason. There is something to be gained; otherwise you would not have manifested it into your life. 

Acknowledge this fact and be receptive to the lesson, allow yourself to get what you need, get the lesson, and it will pass. No amount of pouting or complaining will remove the situation, only acceptance and openness will steer you through. After I was able to put this acceptance into practice, I not only gained a sense of peace and happiness in the job, but only a few months later I had a new, and much better employment opportunity.

How is this helpful to you now? If there is any area in your life where you are experiencing something you wish you weren't, and you find that your only means of expressing this wish, has been to complain and bemoan your situation, take note! You are only strengthening the bond between yourself and that which you don't want! You are in your own way, blocking the blessing, the lesson, and your next opportunity. Take note of your thoughts and language around how you express yourself. Catch yourself when you are speaking negatively about what you don't want, and simply acknowledge that something good resides within it. Here's a short affirmation to help you on your way:

All is well

I have everything I need

I trust that everything is unfolding according to divine purpose

I release my interference

I let it be.

 Repeat often throughout the day.


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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Feeling The Pressure

Are you feeling the pressure? Are you living a life where things look good on the outside, but inside there is a gnawing unease or anxiety? This is actually normal, given our current society, but it doesn’t have to be your normal…

I’m going to be frank, it’s been tough out here for a lot of people. Our society is at a critical point and the pressure seems to be building up on us as individuals every day. We are experiencing change and sometimes loss at an incredible rate. I wanted to get back in touch, because I know that people need help and encouragement, even those of us who always seem strong, accomplished, etc. There is no shame in any of us asking for help, and as a life coach, I have always stood for that. Now, I want to make sure that you know that from me to you. As a member of my community, I stand for you.

It used to be that people thought of life coaching as fluffy and weird and unnecessary. Over the years, life coaching has become more appreciated, and more people have found value in it. Even I have to say that when I started coaching, individuals were not coping with as much as we are today. The pace of life in the 90’s and early 2000’s was a tad bit slower, and we did not feel that we had to keep pace with technology. My point here is that I realize that your needs may be different now, and I am responding to those changes.

While I will continue to launch new programs that serve larger groups, I also want you to know that I continue to schedule at least some time for one – one private coaching. If you’ve been with me for a while now, you’ll notice that I don’t market my private coaching that often, and that is because I am selective about who I take on for this deep work. Often these spots are filled by word of mouth through my client base here in Los Angeles. Believe me beneath the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, these people need help too. Some of the people I know with wealth, fame and lots of stuff, require the most support.

If you know it is time for you to reach out and get some support through difficult times, or relationship work or clarifying your true purpose so that you can finally live the life you want, get in touch with me. Our lives are too precious for us to put ourselves on the sidelines of quiet desperation anymore.

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Darnise Martin Darnise Martin

Date Smarter, Have Better Relationships: What 40 something women need to know

What are the dating rules for women 40 and over? Do you feel left out, left behind, like it just might be too late for you. Well it's not. You just need to know

Dating can be a funny thing especially for grown women past the age of say 35 years old. Dating for grown women means that we have much more clarity, but often much less patience for the okey doke. We often have another level of expectations in meeting a potential mate than we did when we were younger, and as well we should. We have had more experiences and learned more about ourselves. We understand that relationships can be fun, sexy and romantic, but that they are also work and require the commitment of both people.

Even though we may be at least somewhat savvy, things can get murky, especially if you’ve been out of the dating loop for a while or just don’t quite know what to make of meeting a man in this new world with social media and casual hook ups as the new normal. I get it, and I’d like to share with you some ways of navigating your love life to move you closer to having the loving and lasting relationship that would mean so much to your life.

I’ve put together a new online course to help decipher some of the grown woman dating rules and tips that I think will help along your journey.

The course is called, The 40+ Something Woman’s Blueprint to Dating, Love and Relationships. It’s what every grown woman needs to know to date smart, and having lasting, loving relationships:  Everything A Grown Woman Needs To Know To Date Smart & Have Lasting, Loving Relationships.”

In this course I will discuss things like:

  • Understand Man-Speak and His Super Hero Syndrome
  • Why Women Fail At Casual Sex
  • How To Know A Good Man When You Find Him
  • How Not to Play Yourself in the Dating Game
  • How To Maintain A Relationship – It’s Not Always What You Think It Will Be

Plus, lots more...but registration is only open for a limited time until July 31, 2017

Come on over to the site and see all juicy details for getting your man!

 

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